I get a lot of questions from people that are under the delusion that I have it all figured out. As if. Recently, I did an episode of The BOOTY Call Show on BlogTalkRadio entitled “Love Talks.” It was really a sort of read through of some text that I was working on for a workshop, I recorded it and just left up afterwards. It sounds kinda goofy and scripted in some spots, but it is what it is.

That move that I just did was — passive aggressive.

Self love as opposed to self-centeredness has taught me some invaluable lessons which continue to be blessings. I’m so thankful that I haven’t met “her” yet. I sure would’ve screwed it up by now. With that alarming reality so obvious, I’m focused on getting my sh*t together. I want her. And more importantly, I know I have to be worthy of her.

5 Steps of Dating & Mating
1. Being friends – hangout in the neighborhood with the types you want in your life
2. Dating non-committed – take stock of the landscape without limiting your opinions
3. Dating exclusively – lay the foundation, but don’t behave as if you’re married
4. Engagement – discuss your building plans for a life together
5. Marriage – add the additional rooms; learn to love and grow

Write Your 3 Lists
1. Must-haves (Chill)
2. Compromises (Hmm…)
3. Hell Naws (Run!)

Whatever is on your heart or mind should be on these lists. It’s not shallow to have a preference, so stand on your truth. Be honest about what it is you desire, and remember these lists are about you gaining clarity. They’ll be very helpful towards you vision casting for the life you want. Don’t be stingy, be specific.

Be honest about your dating others, but sparing of the details during those dates. Use discretion, and do not intentionally overshare inflicting hurtfulness onto others.

If you don’t feel comfortable enough to admit to the life you’re living aside from your dating that person, you should reconsider why you’re dating them. Anyone that tries to accelerate the process passive-aggressively or otherwise should be addressed and removed if necessary. If they don’t know how to be your friend, don’t let them pretend they’re you’re partner.

Remember, you’re ideal partner is someone that’s ready, willing and available to be your friend. Don’t allow people to cage you into corners and use a smoother method to bewitch you into continuing with your life while you’re still getting to know one another. Do not place yourselves in compromising situations which will cloud your ability to objectively discern this individual’s truth absent of physicality and inappropriate emotional bonding.

This week on The S-Dot Files Radio we’ll be discussing love + life issues delving into the how-tos for deciding when its time to take your relationship to the next level. Join us for a lively discussion Thursdays @ 11 p.m. (eastern) on BlogTalkRadio click by www.blogtalkradio.com/thesdotfiles and call-in to share 347.308.8527 on The BOOTY Call Show.

This blog content was inspired in part by The Five Phases of Dating, by Anita Charlot

Write Your 3 Lists
1. Must-haves (Chill)
2. Compromises (Hmm…)
3. Hell Naws (Run!)

Whatever is on your heart or minds should be on these lists. It’s not shallow to have a preference, so stand on your truth. Be honest about what it is you desire, and remember these lists are about you gaining clarity. They’ll be very helpful towards you vision casting for the life you want. Don’t be stingy, be specific.

Be honest about your dating others, but sparing of the details during those dates. Use discretion, and do not intentionally overshare inflicting hurtfulness onto others.

If you don’t feel comfortable enough to admit to the life you’re living aside from your dating that person, you should reconsider why you’re dating them. Anyone that tries to accelerate the process passive-aggressively or otherwise should be addressed and removed if necessary. If they don’t know how to be your friend, don’t let them pretend they’re you’re partner.

Remember, you’re ideal partner is someone that’s ready, willing and available to be your friend. Don’t allow people to cage you into corners and use a smoother method to bewitch you into continuing with your life while you’re still getting to know one another. Do not place yourselves in compromising situations which will cloud your ability to objectively discern this individual’s truth absent of physicality and inappropriate emotional bonding.

This blog content has been inspired by The Five Phases of Dating, by Anita Charlot

Dear S-Dot,

I’ve been kicking with this dude. He started out as a really cool friend that I’ve known since high school. We began hooking up with about a year ago. At first, the sex was exciting and fulfilling. After awhile, I found myself getting bored and he started to become too clingy. He acts jealous when other guys express an interest in me, despite the reality that he has so few of the things that I ultimately want in a man. I often share with him the qualities of the man I want to settle down with when he starts acting all mushy. He laughs it off and says, “That’s cool. Yes, you deserve all that.” But then he goes and tries to be who he isn’t.

It’s not that he’s a bad dude. I just know he’s not “the dude” for me.  

I care about him as a friend, but I don’t think he’s getting the hints that I don’t want to keep being friends with benefits anymore. I just want to be friends, period.

Just Give Me the Benefits